Becoming the object of workplace discussion
Different Solution?
Hmm...Generic Viagra/Cialis/Levitra??
sick from viagra/cialis
having ED problems
Performance Anxiety
Need Some Advice
I'm 30 years old, divorced
Is there any Truth to good or bad Vagina?
I'm curious about something..
Early stages of impotence
Mixing the meds
Alcohol and ED pills
Caverject impulse
I need help
My impotence
Impotent with some but not others
100mg Citrate Sildenafil ed pills w\o rx

You describe your life situation most clearly and consistently. While your life situation seems not easy to me, I think that I can understand why you choose to stay in your marriage and how it all is "worth it" for you.

My suggestions to you relate more to the general "connection" issue with the ED situation being a part of it, but not it.

Neither your husband, nor you "need" to do anything differently now or for the immediate future. At the same time you want to make things better for both of you, and perhaps he really wants positive change as well.
The challenges you face relate, I believe, to Both Affirming your Husband's good-will and general goodness and helping him see that Some things can and should be better for both of you. It seems vitally important to Seek tiny successes that may start you on a path to bigger successes. No doubt it is very, very easy for him to think that you are either trying to criticize him (put him down) or seeking change that is either Impossible (for him) or simply irrelevant to his life and world.

I see two general paths towards positive change. 1. Reaching him in some small way first - on your own - and creating an opening for the future, and
2. Reaching him most likely in a bigger way - through some other person - such as a counselor, minister (religion seems important to you and him), wife of a minister, mutual friend or other person that he might trust - who might be of possible assistance.

Clearly the first path is best, if the second path isn't an option. Clearly the second path which will end up using the first path is best if there is a good person you know or can find to help you.

I can't lay out detailed specifics as to how you should move forward. I would suggest that seeking small affirmations and trying to similarly give him affirmations - positive feedback - focusing upon the positive - seems a likely best means of moving forward.
An example of what I mean is that you say that he is not affectionate. Seeking ways to build simple affection - like moments, if not longer - where you hold hands might be a beginning to building more affection. Helping him to discover ways to please you More - obviously may take "manipulating" and thinking how to do things best - won't be easy, but potentially might build trust and faith and good will.

Similarly - I think that you may want to "do things" (small things) for him during this process - to help him feel "loved more". Perhaps it's making him a card or a token, small present (assuming that buying things is not financially feasible).

Some of the things that you might try to do to build affection might involve your children - walks to a park or just walks period. Tying affection things in with support and growth with your children might be helpful.

To me - a second part of this for you - is finding support and good feedback for you. IF - because of your lack of transportation and money, you have limitations around the geographic area you live, you may need to seek support - through the internet and perhaps by telephone. Finding one or more women within this email group might be a place to start. (I don't think that us men in the Group should be more than "outside support" in general. It seems safer and easier for you to try to build ties with women.)

Asking - for "private' help - through email here - might be a good - second step (you've made a first step - reaching out to this group already). You might also - find other areas of support on the internet perhaps, though I don't know where.

In writing what I've written above I've deliberately avoided focusing upon - "sex" or "erectile dysfunction" - because I believe that your needs Involve such things, but primarily go well beyond those topics.

I hope that this is helpful! I know that you will be able to find help and move forward at least in small ways, if you are creative and reach out to others. It seems most important to me for you to make this a "positive change" move rather than what seemingly ends up in an "all or nothing" mode. I've lived with ED for many years - and "giving up" isn't an option, nor for me is: "success" in a broad, general way. I can and do have a generally happy life coping with something that isn't easy for me or my partner to cope with.

Does this problem bother women in my age bracket? I am 57 and date women 45 to 60 or older. Do women tend to have a decrease in sex drive as they get over 50, so that a man's impotence is not too important to them? I am not impotent yet, but frequency is decreasing and it takes a very long time of foreplay for me to get erect without tadalafil 20mg. Will a woman my age be willing to put up with this? Do you think women over 45 or 50 are usually willing to be satisfied orally if a man cannot perform as often as the woman wants?

I have no idea. I am 28 and my wife helped me though five months of "Unhard times". She [my wife] completely understood and was there for me at all times. My way of handling the situation was to reassure her that it had nothing to do with her. She was well aware that I had a colon surgery near that nerve area. Now that I have been taking supplements, such a Yohimbe, I have had no problem. But to answer the question, oral more than satisfied her throughout my drought. Zachary

I think we're finally in a time where most people understand that the penis has a mind of it's own. This causes problems on both sides of the issue. Any woman in this century should understand.

However, this is one of those shared hardships that is hard on any relationship. If we as men remember that impotence is one of many hardships, and to involve ourselves in helping with theirs, we can make our relationship even stronger.

I'm a 27 y/o with severe neurological ED who's had this challenge for at least 3 to 4 years now and it has ruined my sex life. The cause is unknown at this time and I'm currently checking for MS though the neurologist seems doubtful. Basically what I'm asking for is some advice or stories on how to start dating again because I'm frankly terrified about the prospects of a 3rd date rejection... can handle the 1st date rejection but 3rd... I wouldn't be able to handle it so I avoid dating altogether now. I'd go to a Psychiatrist but I'm doubtful that would be any help. I'd go to a support group but I'd feel outta place being young and a non-prostate cancer patient... /sigh I guess I'll sign off now, hope this gets some interesting and uplifting responses... bye. Chris

Earlier there was a reference to a book giving alternative ways of having a sexual experience. Could the details be posted again?

In the Canada there is a policeman who as a result of a shooting lost his ability to have penis based sex. He has written a book on how he has managed to keep his marriage together. Basically he and his wife are now happier and more sexually fulfilled than before the incident. Robin


I am 43 years old, my husband got heart attack last year in august and then in september he had by pass operation for it, now he is using medicine regularly, but he lost interest in love making, it this because of use of medicines, he tries but have no erection. i feel frustrated, he is 38 years old, we have 2 kids, I want more, but do'nt know what to do, he cant use canadian pharmacy viagra because of risk, as he is heart patient, please advise me if any body know the solution for it. i feel shy to ask directly form his doctor. Many many thanks for help. Ron


Young and lost confidence

AT a young age , below 70 that is , it is all psychological.( unless your testis are not making testosterone) because of a pituitary gland disorder or if you have diabetes , which can kill the nerves. Problem is if you think about it you will lose it, just as if you think how you breathe, you will mess that up. I assume you get night time and morning erections if not ck your pituitary and T level.
Find a understanding women and concentrate on making her happy only, and slowly over some time you will rise and then gain the confidence.


E D hits many many men before seventy.

For most men, I would think that E D begins in their fifties. But I see lots of guys complaining in their forties.

If you made it to seventy with no E D, you are truly an exception

Just my thoughts.


I am 75, ED occasionally would occur in my 40's , and the more i thought about the worse it was. now at 75 it is occurring more frequently Confidence is the biggest help, being turned on also necessary. If you get your nite time erections there is nothing physically wrong. All psychological, as you think about getting one you will not.


I agree with you totally that thinking about an erection is the worst thing a man can do.

As we men age, our wives have got to come to our rescue in some manner realizing that our arousal, as you say, is absolutely necessary for a great erection. We as again men need more sexual stimulation (cialis, viagra, levitra etc) than we did as younger men with everything rose and fell perfectly and easily. Those were good days. And you correctly say that keeping our minds on pleasing our wives is very important too and not what is going on with us in sex as men.

You have hit on some real truths here. Bernie Zilbergeld, a psychologist and sex therapist, has a wonderful book that says what you say. For all aging men, it is a good read...

It is "The New Male Sexuality" 1999 version I believe. He goes into self therapy trying to help men get past E D.

Best of health and erections to you man.


You missed the boat an a lot of other things that cause erection problems. Testosterone is not related to erection quality! Testosterone replace helps lots of things but erections are not one of them.

A lot of men have many more problems that are not psychological. Prostate problems, nerve damage in the back, prostate cancer, venous leakage, corporal fibrosis, blood pressure meds just to name a few.

Just because you are over 70 and do not have these problems consider yourself lucky. Don't try to tell those of us that have medical problems that cause ED is is phychological!!!!


totally agree with jack I'm young Only 37 . and was perdectly guy until 5 years ago when a wenous leak caise ED. my confidence never was a problem, even know is not a problem. I know that im more than a penis. im a successful man. and planning to get an implant to fix this issue.


I agree that if you are still having quality night time erections then a full evaluation by a Male Sexual Function specialist is in order. The if there is no medical problems then a good sex thearpist is in order.

I have read the 80%+ of erection problems are from medical problems.




Food And Drug Administration is warning the people that azithromycin (Zithromax or Zmax) 500 mg pills may cause abnormal transitions within the electric activity of the heart that might cause a possibly deadly irregular heart rhythm. Individuals at special risk for developing this disorder include people that have known risk factors for example present QT interval prolongation, reduced blood levels of potassium or magnesium, a slower-than normal heartbeat, or utilization of specific medicines used to treat irregular heart rhythms, or arrhythmias.

Food And Drug Administration has issued a Drug Safety Communication now because of our evaluation of the study by another study too as medical scientists by a maker of the drug that evaluated the possibility of azithromycin to cause abnormal transitions within the electric activity of the heart.
The dangers of cardiovascular death associated with levofloxacin therapy were comparable to all those associated with azithromycin treatment.

Care providers need to think about the risk of torsades de pointes and deadly heart rhythms with azithromycin when contemplating treatment alternatives for patients that already are at risk for cardiovascular events. FDA notes the potential danger of QT prolongation with azithromycin should be put in proper context when selecting an antibacterial drug: Choice drugs within the macrolide class, or non-macrolides like the fluoroquinolones, also possess the capacity for QT prolongation or another major side effects which needs to be taken into account when selecting an antibacterial drug.



Impotent and so happy as I am

Hi to all of you from France.
My name is Frederick, am 52 yo, gay sexually oriented.
I am diabtic (type 2), ie non-insulino dependent.
My impotence came progressively with my diabtes causes and also because I never had a real sexuality. So I think that the conditions of my impotence are multiple: at same time organic and psychosomatic.
Most of men are devastated by such reality. I understand that interruption in their normal lives. I also think we are some others who accept our condition and who never use artificial medicines like Viagra, cialis, tadalafil generic, antibiotics and other meds.
I would love to share a lot about all these variations of appreciation about ED.
Feel free to share totally frankly.
From France,
Merry Xmas to all.


Frederick, I spent the last 6 years devastated and spent a lot of money, and emotions seeking healing and restoration. my opinion is one ought be very careful in "acceptable loss" applications. I am not the type of person to play the violin while the Titanic is sinking and the life boats are departing not full. I want All my FACULTIES WORKING PROPERLY. Any body can quit and I find your presumption of being impotent and not using viagra as if Impotence should follow some organic code is rediculous. Your choice your life but I have viagra, cialis and levitra in my wine cellar. All are good years. oh and they don't do the job for me but they do for others and many relationships are all the better because of them. thanks for the post. Penis is good. Working Penis is AWESOME!!!


Glad to read your mail but I cant recognize myself in your description.
If you try to feel better using any medical treatment or medicine, that is your own choice and it is good.
For me, as I told you, because of psychological volunty (inconscient at the begining) and organic I never felt better than now, without any sexual activity, due to my permanent flaccid penis and my loss of libido.
I feel myself happy as I am and I would never imagine to impose my opinions to the others. That is just a testimony and am sure I am not the only man, the only impotent man in that case.
Take care. Merry Xmas.


I read health system in France is quite developed.
Is it not specified structures to assist you in France ? Always surprised to read diabetes has such an huge impact and is pointed as major cause.
à plus



It is the same medication in both the 5mg and 20 mg tablets. 10 mg works fine for me so taking a half of a 20 or 2 5's works the same. I prefer to take as desired rather than daily because of side effects and my belief in taking only as much medication is needed. The free cialis works the same for me as the $.45 generic from all day chemist. But free is cheaper. The Cialis deal can be used once a year.


Steve,  I have used sildenafil citrate for years.  Men from our sister group (hypogonadism support group) have thousands of regular buyers for various medicines.   You do not need a RX.  If you know your dosage for either levitra or viagra.   I think you will find the pricing extremely cost effective.   You can buy 120 100mg of Sildenafil Citrate / Viagra for 95.00 including shipping.  That is over 6 months supply for you easily and may be a years supply.   100mg is max dose for viagra sounds like you will zoom on 50mg.  
Click on Mens Health and look for the double pills offers.  Once you add to the cart is adds the double pills.  It takes 2-3 weeks for shipping and you get a tracking number in about 5 days.   I have moved 3 times over the years and never had a problem. 
The levitra is more but you can do the math.   This will would enable you to take a pill on the 2 days a week your having sex.  Remember to take on a no/low fat foods if any in your stomach.  High fat content like pizza and wings in your belly will deminish the effectiveness.
Hope this helps,



Thanks Norman
Looking at the site I found a pill called Tadalafil or the weekend pill, am guessing that is the same as the Calis weekender? But I see disclaimers that they are not for consumption in the US, can I still order them?


Thanks for providing this source as I have been trying to see if going the non-pharmacy route for Viagra would work.  I've been on 100mg of it for several years and my insurance used to let me have a co-pay of $30 per month for 5 pills which I would split to last nearly the month.  The co-pay went up to $60 and now my company switched providers who do not cover any ED drugs.  I have been forced to pay about $210 for 9 pills.
How do they do this for the price?   Would like to hear any more you could add to this.


the short answer is capitalism and consumer confidence in being ok to be mis informed.   What I mean by that is pricing for most things has nothing to do with reasonable profit.   Picture 0.9% auto financing with great credit and up to 22% with bad credit.   If you did not money and were a risk to pay or afford it;  a reasonable person would make it affordable.  If I knew money was no object than I might raise the price.   Our system does the exact opposite.
Again the price is because there in no charge for 'belief in the US pharmacy system'.    It is less expensive to produce in some aspects but really this is legally charging a person whatever they want to because they want to and can. 
A good marketing team with show a Harvard Medical Degree and charge accordingly to match the life style.  That has absolutely nothing to do with the cost of medicine.
Perception and perceiving are the profit centers of the world.
CVS pharmacy was charging 271.00 for my estrogen blocker (no insurance)  I can get it from life extension for 69.00 and caught it on special for less.  I have insurance but I always amazed at what the mis informed payout in a life time.
Grandma said anybody can pay full price but you are somebody which is why I am beating you with this belt.   She would add if you watch closely the rich are always trying not to pay at all.   Therefore don't play bigshot with my money.


I got the sample pack a couple of weeks ago. You need to take it every day. There is only 2.5 mg in each tablet so I don't think one tablet would work if you just take it for sex on the day that you are planning to have sex. I know that it won't work for me if I just took a tablet when I want to have sex. It is supposed to be cumulative. I have been taking it for about two weeks and I haven't noticed any difference in my condition. I asked about the cost since my insurance won't cover it. The answer I got was $150 plus or minus with the tax.


Charles say:

Seems my wife sharing details with "just a few" friends now appears to be wildly out of control.
At least two people have suggested they won't be able to keep a straight face next time they see me. Several others <the bold ones> actually want to see "it". Quick thinking me<or so I thought> came back with this response. "Tell them in Japan when a samurai was asked to see his sword...would do so but would have to "bring blood" before it could be put away. My wife got a serious look and said "bad idea...they would do it" Oh much for thinking it would intimidate them.So what the hell do you do for people curious about the implant. I'm not into playing "show and tell" to my wife's friends. Some of them I know...some I don't. Anyone had anything like this happen?


Phil say:
Well you really have my sympathy over that one. I suppose your wife telling a few about the implant is better than telling a few about your impotence before the implant.




Charles say:

For that...I am so very thankful. The ones she told about the implant didn't know about the ED issues at all. Thanks for the other viewpoint....definitely easier to think about to that way.

I guess I can't be too upset. She's told her employer that she needs a week over the 1st of Dec....seem we're having a late Honeymoon. That's a surprise I can deal with.




carlos say:


You mentioned in your previous post that you feel great in jeans and underwear now after your implant and the rubbing of your penis in your underwear feels good already. Just wondering does it not feel painful waering underwear already at this stage after surgery? Also what type of undies do you use? Boxer shorts or briefs or boxer briefs? How do you position your penis when flaccid inside your undies? Does it point up towards your belt or downwards or sideways on normal days?



charles say:

> Charles,
> You mentioned in your previous post that you feel great in jeans
>and underwear now after your implant and the rubbing of your penis >in your underwear feels good already.

I won't say "good"...but "not bad" is a good way to describe it. The head of my penis was pretty sensitive the 1st few times wearing underwear.

> Just wondering does it not feel painful waering underwear already
>at this stage after surgery?

The jeans are a bigger issue than the underwear. Until now I'd heard the expression "Dressing left or right"<meaning which side/pant leg did your penis and balls go>....and never was a big deal. Now it is a big deal....I have to fit to one side or the other.... no in between.


> Also what type of undies do you use? Boxer shorts or briefs or
>boxer briefs?

Fruit of the loom jockey briefs. I have some boxers but I've not worn them since the implant. A tight fit was initally suggested to keep things from moving around. The athletic supporter stayed on till day 5 or 6...

How do you position your penis when flaccid inside your undies?
>Does it point up towards your belt or downwards or sideways on >normal days?

The doctor has it semi-inflated and it's basically sticking out at a 90 degree angle and at times it's basically resting on my balls/pump<the more swollen I was...the more it rested there>. The out at a 90 degree angle was definitely uncomfortable in the underwear in the early going.....rub rub rub.....which made the bed and couch time all the better.




ronald say:

I feel for you this one. But you can always let them know that while they are "12 minute men" at best, you can go until your spouse begs you to stop. Minutes are nothing when you can please each other for hours and hours. That would make them think a bit and walk away with their tails between their legs.

BTW, I am taking the first step in this journey today thanks to you. I also thank the gentlemen that told about this great site also. I've called my doctor for the surgery code and now I am rechecking with my insurance company about coverage. As it unfolds, I'll do my best to blog it out there too.




cbrcouple say:

I am a member of this group because I have partial ED caused by nerve damage. I have it fully mastered with Cialis.

Your story brought back memories. A few years ago my wife was working with a whole lot of girls and one Fijian giy. One day she came home and measured my erection. Later I found out it was part of their workplace discussion! It wasn't until then that I found out that I was 'bigger' than the average, according to her internet research.

Our women probably don't discuss sex as much as men. But they certainly do discuss it, generally in a positive context. Your wife in terms of the gains that BOTH of you will make with your implant.
My wife in terms of 'my husband is bigger than your boyfriend' even if he has brown skin.




charles say:

> I feel for you this one. But you can always let them know that >while
they are "12 minute men" at best, you can go until your spouse >begs
you to stop. Minutes are nothing when you can please each other >for
hours and hours. That would make them think a bit and walk away >with
their tails between their legs.

I fear the brave/bold ones<the ones already wanting to take a look> would take that as a challenge. I'm not willing to play that game of sexual chicken.

> BTW, I am taking the first step in this journey today thanks to you.

I'm glad you're moving forward. It makes me feel good that my sharing my own experience might help others.



Pete say:

Rest assured that it is helping all of us. Keep up the posts and thanks

> I feel for you this one. But you can always let them know that >while
they are "12 minute men" at best, you can go until your spouse >begs
you to stop. Minutes are nothing when you can please each other >for
hours and hours. That would make them think a bit and walk away >with
their tails between their legs.

I fear the brave/bold ones<the ones already wanting to take a look> would take that as a challenge. I'm not willing to play that game of sexual chicken.

> BTW, I am taking the first step in this journey today thanks to you.

I'm glad you're moving forward. It makes me feel good that my sharing my own experience might help others.



riftalope say:

If anyone starts acting silly around you and you know it's about your penis you can frown at them, calmly say "grow up", and go back to what you were doing.

You might remind your wife that some of her "friends" might have trouble keeping their legs straight already. She might want to back off on you as a subject. She won't want anyone sniffing at the door.


Tom say:

In our marriage- my wife, gabby by nature, has never been shy about sharing details with friends, coworkers and even family. When I started developing erection problems and difficulty reaching orgasms my wife shared the details and various treatments tried during with friends and coworkers. There is little more embarassing and humiliating to hear my wife discuss my erections or lack there of...with friends and family while I am in the same room.


riftalope say:

Just remember that they are seeking help or trying to suss things out. People don't think farther than that sometimes. When this problem starts most guys haven't even talked about how private they'd want to be about it as a couple. Remind them that it's like having sex in front of your parents to you.


charles say:

I think I've been inclined to casually ask those same family and friends if they happened to know a good divorce attorney....see if that got my views across.

Then again when my wife and I were dating....before she met any of my family...I sat her down for a little pep talk. I explained my family were nice folks and would always be nice to her. I also explained they were to be treated as if they were district atorney's trying to prosecute a murder trial. Best thing to do is keep your mouth shut and demand an attorney if you feel the least bit uncomfortable. Sort of a cross between "Meet the Parents" and "Law & Order".



Cath say:

From the female perspective, I suggest a workplace slide show and seminar on the implant. That'll keep em quiet ;)

Hi all... I'm Cath... I work in men's health research. I've found out about your forum via the yahoo ED support group for partners. Is this forum a 'guys only' zone?





ronald say:

I just checked the original message of this group from 2000. The administrator made no restrictions. In fact, he was asking for all interested parties to contribute. You may be able to answer some of the questions that are brought up pertaining to our female spouses. There are aspects to the female mind that elude us, especially when dealing with the concerns on this site.



Cath say:

Thanks Ron. I'll probably just stop by from time to time if that's ok with everyone. I don't want to intrude on what seems like a great place for guys to talk freely about ED!

There are parts of the female mind that elude me too, but I'll do my best to solve any mysteries :)

I'm actually a researcher (in Melbourne) on men's sexual health. At the moment I'm running a study looking at how oral medications for ED (Viagra, Cialis, Levitra) affect couples. I'll do a seperate post to see if anyone is interested in being involved...

All the best,